Category Archives: Hello Cleveland!

Hello Cleveland!: Kevin Costner Somehow Makes New Country Even Worse

Costner We all know Kevin Costner as an award winning actor and director with an 'awwh shucks' kinda persona that has helped keep him in the public spotlight for the past twenty five years.  Now, Kevin has been criticized for only ever really playing one character, and somehow managing to portray that character in every single film he's ever made, no matter the role. The last few years the acting thing has cooled off a bit for Kevin, which is usually bad news for the music business since so many actors like to use their down time from the big screen to make horrible, utterly vomit-inducing albums. It's a long list-Eddie Murphy, Kevin Bacon, Don Johnson, Russel Crowe, Brian Austin Green (who??), to name some the worst offenders. We may now want to add Costner to the top of that list, after he spent 2008 touring behind his debut album, Untold Truths. Released under the name Kevin Costner & Modern West, it is Costner's love letter to the music he loves, which apparently leans heavily towards the craptacularly abysmal side of things.

I'm not exactly the world's biggest fan of 'new country' to begin with (when did country music start requiring its male singers to to be so sappy and spineless they somehow succeed in making people want to bitch slap them back to their senses before the end of the first chorus?), and Costner takes the new country label and proceeds to tattoo it all over his own ass. This, my friends, is why being successful in Hollywood shouldn't get you a free pass in Nashville.

I don't even what the name of this song is. I do know it's performed at the Grand Ole Opry. On second thought, 'performed' may be too strong a word. Hmmm…it's being listened to at the Opry? Does that fit?

 

Hello Cleveland!: Van Halen? Again?

VanHalen Ever since we posted the Michael Anthony bass fiasco a couple of weeks ago we’ve been amazed at the amount of people who generally hate bass solos but will watch seven minutes worth of one so long as it involves booze and capes. We’ve also discovered that the Hello Cleveland! segment could fill a dozen posts with just one band in the spotlight, and that band is Van Halen. And this time they make the cut without Anthony-it’s Eddie’s son Wolfgang on bass for this version of ‘Jump’, taken from their most recent world tour. David Lee Roth’s old man ninja skills and giant phallic blow-up microphone almost do the job in distracting listeners from the fact that either the famous ‘Jump’ keyboard riff is playing in the wrong key, or Eddie is completely out of tune. You be the judge. Either way, I’m sure while this was going on there was a roadie backstage texting his final goodbyes to his family before Eddie comes off stage and rips him a new one.

And we promise-this is the last of Van Halen to be featured on Hello Cleveland! Promise.

Hello Cleveland!: Van Halen Plus Jack Daniels Equals Bass Solo From Hell

MichaelAnthony Van Halen have had their fair share of ups and downs throughout their career. They tossed singer David Lee Roth out of the band at the height of their success in the mid-80s, replaced him with blond Carrot Top clone Sammy Hagar, had a couple more hit albums, and then swapped out Hagar for the dude from Extreme. He lasted an album and a tour (that’s what she said), and was traded back in for Hagar again. Alas, Sammy’s involvement in the band the second time around was not meant to be, and after nearly twenty years of passing singers around like a box of Depends at a senior’s home original vocalist Roth was back onboard. Let’s not forget the sacking of bassist Michael Anthony a few years back in favour of guitarist Eddie Van Halen’s son, Wolfgang.

Why, you might be asking yourselves, all the background deets for a post about a bass solo from the aforementioned sackee Anthony? I think this clip acts as a great summary of Van Halen’s woes over the years, delivered in a neat and tidy package. Actually, there’s nothing neat and tidy about it. And that’s my point. Like the band, this solo has so many WTF?? moments you can’t help but watch.

Hello Cleveland!: Can Anyone Play the Drums? Keith Moon Passes Out Onstage

KeithMoon The year was 1973, and The Who were at the top of their game, having been on the road for a year in support of what many consider their finest album, Who’s Next.  While all the members of The Who were known to, at times, get a little out of control (insert hotel room getting trashed stories here), it was drummer Keith Moon who took top honours in the group for imbibing anything he could get his hands. Booze, pills, tranquilizers-you name it, Moon did it.  And not just on a casual level.  Moon the Loon lived the ‘go big or stay home’ lifestyle to the fullest, and then some.  As you probably already know, it did eventually kill him.  The years leading up to his death in 1978 were full of front page-worthy Moon shenanigans, like today’s footage from a 1973 concert.  During the band’s closing number ‘Won’t Get Fooled Again’ Moon passes out just before the end of the song and is dragged off stage by the road crew. After a quick shower backstage and a rumoured shot of cortisone Moon returns for the encore, only to pass out again, leading Townshend to ask if anyone in the audience can play drums, rather than end the show early.  Cue promoter Bill Graham to the rescue, fishing a lucky fella out of the crowd to lend a hand.

Hello Cleveland!: Celine Dion & Anastacia-Please, For The Love of God, Stop

CelineAnastacia This particular post in the Hello Cleveland! series is somewhat of a rarity.  There is no bad lip syncing.  The live singing is technically spot on.  No one knocks themselves out with a thrown instrument.  Although one of the participants is in four inch heels, no one trips or falls off the stage.  What is wrong with this performance is A) Celine Dion B) Anastacia and C) the 'Up With People' style backing band absolutely laying the boots to AC/DC's 'You Shook Me All Night Long'.  I had heard stories of just how bad this version was, but it wasn't until I saw Celine do her air guitar pony hop across the stage in the aforementioned four inch heels I knew I was in serious trouble.  To be honest kids, I haven't even been able to watch the entire clip.  I just can't do it.  In fact, I should probably be giving my eyes and ears an acid bath just to help cleanse myself of what I have seen and heard.

On that note, enjoy the video!!

Hello Cleveland!: Amy Winehouse Proves the Hard Way Drugs & Alcohol Don’t Mix

Winehouse Let's face it-Amy Winehouse is a train wreck.  The last place she should be is on stage in front of people, let alone 100 000 of them at Rock in Rio last year.  I've seen a half dozen clips from this particular concert online, and all of them have one thing in common: Winehouse staggering at the front of the stage while her back up band do handstands around her trying to keep the show moving.  I feel for them, I really do.  The five minutes this clip lasts showcases Amy trying to pull off a cover of 'A Message To You, Rudy', play guitar, and give her band props for being awesome.  Guess which of these she actually accomplishes?  If you said none of them, congratulations.  Unfortunately, in this case no one wins, especially Winehouse.  Amy-get some help.  This is ridiculous.

Hello Cleveland!: Ashlee Simpson Booed at Orange Bowl, 72 000 Ask Her to Keep Lip Syncing

Simpson Poor Miss Simpson.  After years of being stuck in the buxom shadow of big sis Jessica, Ashlee finally jumped into the pop music spotlight when she released her debut album in 2004.  Later that year she was involved in one of the biggest live television boo-boos of all time when she was busted lip syncing on Saturday Night Live.  The press ripped her a new one, musicians mocked her, and she became a walking punchline.  Which brings us to today's Hello Cleveland!, where Ashlee tries to redeem herself and prove she can belt it out with the best of them by singing live at the 2005 Orange Bowl halftime show.  Funny thing-turned out there was a reason she always lip synced before this show-she can't hold a bloody note.  You'll see what I mean as you watch the clip, which ends with a stadium full of 72 000 people (and no doubt the millions watching from home) booing Simpson off the stage. 

Hello Cleveland!: Kiss’ Peter Criss Sloshed Onstage

CrissOh, Peter.  What a naughty kitty you are.  This footage from 1979 shows the Kiss drummer front and centre singing the band's hit ballad 'Beth', their highest ranking song on American charts.  On this particular night, Criss (or 'The Cat', as he is known to the Kiss Army) had six too many Jim Beam chasers and is completely, totally, utterly wasted.  Tanked.  Trashed.  Blitzed.  Smashed.  He can barely sit upright during the song, so I can't imagine how he managed to play drums for the rest of the show.  A year after this debacle Criss was fired from the band, although he has been re-hired and fired again twice since then.  

Hello Cleveland!: Nirvana Bass Drop/1992 MTV Music Awards

Krist-novoselic-playing-bass

Welcome to the first edition of 'Hello Cleveland!', MoonVsTheWorld's weekly look back at great moments of onstage major malfunctions. When you have the thrilling combination of booze and utter stupidity you have the ingredients for mayhem and merriment (at least for the folks watching, anyway).

1992 found Nirvana moving from indie darlings to mainstream rock stars, fighting the transition the entire way.  That year the band played the MTV Music Awards, although it's rumoured they were read the riot act by show producers about inappropriate behaviour and what was acceptable on-air conduct for the live broadcast. Being told what to do by 'the man' was never a strong point of the band, so they made sure to start playing a different song than the one they were scheduled to, throwing in a lyric MTV had specifically asked them not to mention, and giving MTV execs a minor heart attack before finally launching into 'Lithium', the tune they were supposed to play.  The icing on the cake for this performance (which I remember being blown away by when it first aired and still kinda floors me today) occurs at 4:12, when bassist Krist Novoselic, pissed because his amp shorted out, chucks his bass fifteen feet in the air.  On any other night, Krist would have caught it and kept rocking (so he claims).  This night, in front of a live audience of millions, he unfortunately missed and ended up with a face full o' bass.  Delicious, yes, but also a little embarrassing.